I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I supernannyed him into submission
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
