Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
