fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
