my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
