My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
