I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Randomize
