Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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