she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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