So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
