WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I would ride that face into the sunset
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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