I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
