I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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