I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
