remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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