wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
