At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
