I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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