We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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