im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
