My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
