im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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