I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
