did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
The beers last night were like the tears from god
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Randomize
