i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Randomize
