last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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