if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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