Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
If I die, sorry about rent.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
