god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
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