I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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