You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
