Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize
