She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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