woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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