Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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