Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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