some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
