My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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