so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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