I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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