This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
