Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
