i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Randomize
