too bad you live with your parents still
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
