Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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