dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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