i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
