Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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