This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
