Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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