What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
