Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
