pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
