man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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