Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
