Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
