my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
