i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
